Friday, August 03, 2012

French Fry Diary 399: Ronii's Butt Fries

The wonderful Ronii Grace passed away a couple years ago. I had never met her in person, but she was as good a friend as one could have online. She was a terrific and talented writer, and a giving and generous friend, with a fun and quirky sense of humor. Some time ago when I was on a hiatus from French Fry Diary, because of my own illness, she wrote the following for me. It's perhaps not family-friendly or for the squeamish, so you've been warned.

Hey Glenn…

Just read your French Fry Diary. I see you haven't worked on it for some time. May I make an offering? It is a bit weird and wacky, but you would expect that from me now, wouldn't you? I am feeling a bit cheeky, pun totally intended, so here goes.

Years ago I had a midwifery client whose husband we all called "Chuckie." Chuckie was a gorgeous character with deep chocolate skin and thick matted dreadlocks. Chuckie came to all his wife's prenatal visits faithfully in part, because he thought I, the midwife he had hired to deliver his son, was hysterically funny. He often told me I needed my own cable show with my midwifery partner Lori as my trusty sidekick.

The event that started this whole tack had to do with, you guessed it... French fries. You see, his wife had pregnancy-induced hemorrhoids. I recommended a tried and true remedy for her discomfort. You simply cut some potatoes (without skinning) "home fry style" into thin wedges, freeze them in a Ziploc bag, dip the frozen wonder in a bit of vitamin E oil, and insert it into the offending orifice. "Butt Fries," as we affectionately called them, solved the problem. We even had a handout with nice illustrations.

The wife (and many others) swore by them, "A miracle," she said. Oh, but Chuckie had fears. What if on some summer barbeque Saturday he grabbed the wrong bag and had the butt fries for supper? We allayed his fears reminding him that they were only French fries until put to other uses.

It was the start of a long list of experiences... just thought you, the French fry man, might want to know. They're not just for supper any more!

Blessings, Ronii

This bit of attempted humor is not intended to offer medical advice. If you have a problem, please... see your doctor or other healer.

That's Ronii. I told you about her sense of humor. I had never posted it because she had promised me the illustrations, but she never got around to sending them. And then she passed away suddenly.

She is much missed. Her birthday is Sunday. I hope she sees this wherever she's at and knows how much she's missed. Thank you, Ronii.

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