French Fry Diary 712: North Bowl

Last month after the Writers Coffeehouse sponsored by the Philadelphia Liars Club (and if you're a writer in the area, and haven't been to this monthly event, shame on you) friend and fellow writer Amy Holiday invited The Bride and me, and the other writers from the SJWG who attended, out to dinner. Because of my predilection for potato-ey things, she picked a place known for its tater tots - North Bowl.

Yes, it's a bowling alley, but it's a cool retro bowling alley, and they have house made gourmet tater tots. It doesn't get better than that. Located in the gentrified Northern Liberties/Fishtown section of Philadelphia, it might be a little difficult to find, and parking is at a premium, but it was worth the trip. The décor is cool retro, you might not realize at first you're in a bowling alley, and of course, there's the tater tots.

To cover our bases for the review, we all ordered different types of these housemade gourmet tater tots. I kicked it old school with the original; while others got the garlic tots with garlic, herbs, and shaved Parmesan; and the crabby tots with old bay and cheese sauce. The tots appeared to be just standard tots, frozen and possibly deep fried, but they didn't taste that way - they were pretty good.

The Bride, and The Dark Crystal in from San Francisco (we miss you, girl!), went off the tater trail and got the cheeseburger mac and cheese, declaring it quite tasty as well. We were all too full to try the funnel cake fries for dessert, maybe next time. If nothing else, it's yet another reason to come back to the area.

The afternoon was a good time with friends, fried foods, and good conversation. I am really going to miss these folks.

French Fry Diary 707: Donkey's Place Too 2016

One of the places definitely on my South Jersey Farewell Tour was Donkey's Place. In Florida, it's doubtful I'll be able to get a proper cheesesteak, let alone the best and most unique cheesesteak in South Jersey, so before I move away I had to visit Donkey's again.

The Dark Crystal was in from San Francisco, and my GAR! Podcast partner Ray was also down from North Jersey, so, along with The Bride, it was time for another French Fry Diary road trip. Donkey's Place Too in Medford was crowded and hopping the Saturday afternoon we went, barely a place to sit and we briefly discussed finding somewhere outdoorsy to eat our lunch, when a table opened up.

We sat in the booth below the huge picture of the legendary Bob Lucas, who ran Donkey's Place in Camden. The Bride and I got our regular cheesesteaks with onions and cheddar, and introduced Ray to the same, while Crystal bucked tradition and got a chicken cheesesteak. We of course also got fries to share while waiting for our main course to arrive at the table.

I've talked about these seasoned regular cuts before. They are always especially good while hot and good with cheese on the side for dipping. The cheesesteak is fantastic, and unlike any other you'll find, and remember, I hipped you all to Donkey's long before Anthony Bourdain ever heard of it. I am really going to miss this place and this food. Donkey's is the best.

Random Tater Pic of the Day #206

My much-missed friend Crystal sent me this pic from San Francisco. These Somebody Else's Fries come from The Yellow Submarine sandwich shop. Thank you, Crystal, miss you!

French Fry Diary 433: P.J. Whelihan's 2012

Yeah, I came back. I came back to the place where I found a hair in my fries - P.J. Whelihan's in Medford Lakes. Only because we were coming out of seeing The Bride in the Pineland Players production of "Bye Bye Birdie," and that's where the cast and crew were going, we went. I was not enthused, but we went. I was outvoted, I wanted the Medport.

So, once there, I determined to give the fries a second chance, and also try the onion rings. I went for a different kind of favorite fried food this time - PJ's Famous Fries - old bay seasoned crinkle cuts, but sans the American cheese. Or at least that's what the menu said, and what I ordered. Last time I was here, I got natural cuts. And sadly, since the last time I was here, they got rid of that wonderful Guiness BBQ sauce. Boo. Hiss.

The Famous Fries were fairly standard crinkle cuts but slightly flatter on one side than on the other, kinda like an oddly shaped Nathan's fry. They were also quite long, only lightly seasoned with Old Bay, and very addictive. I passed on the American cheese but it would've gone well with them. They were great while hot, but unfortunately got cold rather quickly.

The onion rings were thick cut and lightly crunchy. Almost perfectly done. I liked these best on this trip. They came with a creole mayo sauce that my good friend, the Dark Crystal, really disliked, more vinegar than mayo. I got the Hot-n-Honey signature wing sauce for my fries, and that was more buffalo than honey, still hot, but not the kind of hot I was looking for in a honey BBQ sauce.

All in all, this time it was a good visit, and pleasant visit. And best of all, no hair...

French Fry Pizza Salad!

The Dark Crystal turned me on to Epic Meal Time on my last birthday. Watch at your own risk, especially if you're counting calories...

Random Tater Pic of the Day #53

I've been trying to get to Tattooed Mom on South Street in Philly for some time as I have gotten many recommendations. Recently The Bride, after dear friend The Dark Crystal's one-woman show, got there and took this pic.

These waffle fries were covered with "real cheese wiz but it had obviously been sitting around for a while before it came out." She also reported, "The fries were not bad, but the cheese was glooped on the top, leaving the fries underneath cheeseless."

French Fry Diary 358: Denny's, Clifton Heights

Welcome to possibly the last Denny's on Earth, it's in Clifton Heights, PA. This was our second Denny's of the night. The first one, over by the Philly airport was closed for renovations. Going to any Denny's was actually a surprise as they seem to have left New Jersey en masse suddenly about six months to a year back.

They used to be everywhere. Then slowly they disappeared, not sure why, but they did. Maybe it was bad publicity from certain racial incidents, or maybe the bad karma from buying out Sam's, formerly Sambo's. I won't go into that, it should for just speak for itself.

The Denny's took forever to find, even with dual GPSes, but my friends Jeff, Marc, Judy, and the Dark Crystal held out and made it through the wilds of Pennsylvania after the Wings game to get here. Once there, I was overwhelmed by the menu, several pages long and full of upscale diner-y goodness. That part of the 24/7 Denny's diner hasn't changed since I'd last visited one.

Guess what I finally settled on. I know, too easy. Burger and fries. I had wanted breakfast, but I don't know when I'll ever see a Denny's again, so I wanted to get fries to review, just in case it's another decade before I see another Denny's again. My buddy Ray had actually recommended them a few months back as well, so I had to try them.

First thing I noticed was that Denny's still had the huge glasses of Coke I remembered. That's a good thing. The burger was huge which made the pitiful portion of fries even more irritating. The vertically crinkle cut fries, to add injury to insult, we're only just warm. The less than twenty fries were quite potatoey and would probably have been pretty good if they were hot. Also, you can see in the picture that they were very liberal with the salt. Others in our party got breakfast potatoes that were shredded and browned well. Burger aside (which was very good), I kinda wish I'd gotten them instead.

I was full and satisfied at the end of the meal, so that's a good thing. Conversation with good friends always makes for a good time. And that includes the conversation at the next table claiming that that Hawkeye brought nothing to the Avengers. But I wish there had been more fries, and hot fries. The Denny's rating for this venture stands at all stars for the company of friends, and most of the food, but not so much for the French fries.

Random Tater Pic of the Day #30

Today's random pic come from the webcomic Toothpaste for Dinner by Drew and Natalie. It speaks the truth.

Special thanks to the Dark Crystal and her Tumblr for hipping me to this. Rock on, girl.

French Fry Diary 297: Jenga Fries

These snazzily stacked fries came from Sazon Restaurant & Café, a Venezuelan restaurant in Philadelphia as Papas Fritas. The Dark Crystal took my buddy Ray there and they sent me this great pic. Thanks for the Somebody Else's Fries pic, folks!

French Fry Diary 248: The Oregon Diner

While New Jersey is principally known for its diners, the phenomenon does spread throughout the region, with some famous ones, and not so famous ones in the city of Philadelphia. One of those is the Oregon Diner. Friends Crystal, Anthony and frequent visitor Jeff used to live right around the corner, so this 24/7 diner became the default meeting and chatting place in the late night hours. Trust me, it wasn't about the food, it was about convenience.

Unless you get a booth, and tat's usually if you have for or more, you don't get seated up front, they put you in the back - most of the time, waaay in the back. It's a long walk for us, and it's a long walk for the waitress - so wrong orders, extra needs and soda and water refills? Looong wait. And that's if your waitress is even looking out for you or paying attention. If they get a hint that you're from Jersey rather than Philly, you'll never see her again. Nights at the Oregon Diner are not feasts of customer service.

For this reason, one tries to keep the orders very simple, and order lots of extra water at first, and hope for the best. This night, it just happened to be convenient, as our friends no longer live around there, but we still ended up there. As this was probably one of the last times I'd be there willingly, I decided to get a review out of it.

Jeff got a pizza burger, which came with fries. These were typical diner fries - regular cuts covered in Invisicoat, and only slightly warm, and deep-fried, at least once. The Bride got chicken croquets with mashed potatoes. They were warm, not creamy or stiff, and just barely warm. I had to wonder how long they had been in the kitchen. I got my usual late night breakfast diner default - home fries. They were sliced potatoes, some overdone, some barely cooked, and all just barely warm.

I am so glad we are done with this place. In a land of diners, this is one of the worst. Only Olga's could come close.

French Fry Diary 227: More Than Ice Cream

These Somebody Else's Fries come from a place called appropriately enough More Than Ice Cream on Locust Street in Philadelphia.

"The fries were phenomenal." These are the words of my friend Crystal who got a chicken salad sandwich and an apparent 'autocorrect abundance' of fries for just under twelve dollars. Yeah, autocorrect, doing its duty by mangling my notes from my magical iPhone. Whatever the word was, autocorrect translated it as "nitriles."

Thanks, Crystal, for another great Somebody Else's Fries. Mmmm... fries...

French Fry Diary 180: The Funplex Café

The trip to The Funplex in East Hanover, New Jersey, was a road trip to help celebrate the birthday of my dear friend, the Dark Crystal. The Funplex is a gigantic arcade, that among other things, has laser tag, amusement rides, giant ball pits, a total immersion theater, MagiQuest (The Bride's favorite that she discovered at similar places in Myrtle Beach and Great Wolf Lodge) and, believe it or not, a café.

After an exhilarating game of MagiQuest, we hit the café, and guess what I got? That's right, the favorite fried food. These were barely warm Invisicoated regular cuts, and pretty tasteless save that of the oil they were deep fried in. They were however good in a pinch. Let me be clear. These are not good fries. But if you are tired from MagiQuest or laser tag or just plain arcading… you might just eat all of them without realizing it. Great but evil marketing plan.

The best part, discovered while waiting for our pizza (a dozen times better than the fries), is that the Funplex apparently has its own brand of oregano and garlic powder. Intriguing. And I guess it keeps you from taking it home maybe? Either way, neither made the fries taste any better. Go for the games, not the fries.

French Fry Diary 144: Tacoma and the Plaza

For today's Somebody Else's Fries, here are two pics from my friends Crystal and Jeff.

The first one is of some tasty looking regular cuts from an unknown restaurant/bar in Tacoma Washington. They appear to be batter-fried or invisicoated and sprinkled lightly with Parmesan, and maybe garlic (Jeff couldn't remember, but it's cool, just look at those fries).

Our second Somebody Else's Fries aren't even fries at all, but everyone's second favorite side dish, onion rings. This photo was taken at the Diner at the Plaza on Snyder Avenue in Philadelphia. These thin crispy onion rings just look so perfect and delicious.

Crystal says, "That was my dinner... Pork maybe? Or steak? Whichever it was, they were like the lightest shoestring onion slices fried and garnished..."

I'll have to get over there and try them sometime...

French Fry Diary 113: White Castle, Toms River NJ

Reputedly the first fast food hamburger chain, White Castle has been around for almost ninety years. They’re open 24 hours a day, so that means French fries any time of the day or night – how can there be a downside to this? For just a buck or so you get a cool little box of deep-fried crinkle cuts, perfect for car-munching.

They do get cold real quick however, and do not nuke well. Do not put them in the microwave unless you want sucky fries – soggy or rock hard, depending on how long you set the timer for. It’s just not a good idea. On the upside, they are great for three AM cravings.

Mad dashes in the middle of the night are really what White Castle is all about though. The food is good, but it’s not about the food, it’s about the experience. Like a few weeks ago, friends and I were discussing this French Fry Diary thing, and as always happens when you talk about food – you get hungry. Problem was, it was late, where can you get fries this time of night? That’s right, White Castle.

After locating the semi-closest restaurant, an hour away in Toms River, we were off. The Bride, the Dark Crystal, Jeff and myself drove all the way up to Toms River and met Ray and his bride CL at the 24/7 White Castle there – all this at about two in the morning. A flash of spontaneity, and boom – a middle of the night French Fry Diary roadtrip.

Again, as I said, the fries are standard crinkle cuts that come in those tiny cardboard boxes that everything at White Castle comes in. Good and hot, but it’s the camaraderie that makes White Castle what it is. The 24’7 is most important, and like the movie Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, it’s the journey that counts.

The onion rings are standard diced onion type of onion rings you might find in the grocers freezer, but again, it’s the journey, and the boxes, and the company, and the middle of the night (or anytime). And the onion rings are better than Burger King’s and that’s saying something.

Other goodies that were had on this trip were the chicken rings, and of course those wonderful Sliders, best little hamburger you can get in the middle of the night and eat half a dozen. And don’t forget to read the fun facts on the bottom of the boxes.

The only complaint I might have is related to the perils of being open 24/7 – and that would be the smelly homeless man that was sitting behind us. We didn’t think he was dead but he might have been. That’s okay, he didn’t smell all that much.

All in all, White Castle is recommended, for a variety of reasons, and not all of them food-related. Great experience not matter how you cut it.

French Fry Diary 42: Sweet Patato Chips

My good friend Crystal and I share a love of things Asian and especially shopping in Asian food markets for new and interesting stuff. Recently (or not that recently, as you’ll see) she bought me something knowing of my love of all things potato – vacuum fried Sweet Patato Chips from Khoai Lang Say.

Now I’m not sure what exactly 'vacuum fried' actually means, but the little guy on the sealed foil bag sure looks happy, so how bad could they be? Well, I don’t know, and that’s the problem. As has been noted before here on French Fry Diary, I am a catastrophically picky eater, and sweet potatoes (spelled correctly or not) are not very high on the list – so I let them sit for a while.

Let’s not get into semantics and say how long 'a while' is, let’s just say I wasn’t worried as these things were in a sealed foil bag and apparently had no expiration date. Either I was wrong about their shelf life, or I was right about not liking them cuz I had quite a surprise when I opened the bag finally.

There were very much like what’s shown in the picture on the bag, giant orange potato sticks, similar to Andy Capp’s pseudo-Fries. I did not try one, because of the smell. The smell, the smell was, forgive me, but there’s just no other way to describe it – it smelled like ass. The chips/fries and bag were quickly disposed of.

Whether this was an object lesson in expiration dates or being a picky eater, I’m not sure, maybe both, but I really don’t see giving these things a second try any time soon. Sorry, Crystal, but thanks for thinking of me.

French Fries Panties

Friend Crystal D'Arque sent me this one that originated from marshmallowphantom, from her blog, Bathing in Gasoline.

I have no words. I am speechless.

Except for... Mmmm... fries...


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